And That Was Even Faster!

So I was all upset when I wrote my last post, all of what - 15 minutes ago?, especially upset that I'd been feeling fairly sane recently and with the flip of a dentist bill turned back into my "I think I just want to crawl in bed and die" former self.

But thanks to the modern miracle called "blogging", I have read some posts and feel back to my right ruddy self! :-)

That Was Fast

Well, I'm feeling incredibly sad today. Everything was fine until I found out I have to get ANOTHER root canal and I only have $59 left on my insurance this year. It just went downhill from there. I got to playgroup late because of the dentist appt. and also because I showed up at the wrong park, and I just didn't have anything to say. And nobody had anything to say to me, they were all busy saying it to everyone else. So now I feel reeaally bad, it's nobody's fault, it just is. We have $3000 in savings. I was okay spending $1600 on a practically new car, we can make that up! But now to have a root canal to the tune of $1037 taking us down to $63 in savings? I think I'll just live on ibuprofen until next year.

Today I am full of self-hate.

pre-Thanksgiving

Seasons mean more than just a change in the weather. The air has gotten colder, the leaves fall, night comes quicker each day. We put things to rest in time for winter’s dormancy so we can begin again in the spring.

So much has happened in my life these last few months, I’m ready to put these things to rest. I have been blessed with the most amazing man for a husband. He has truly been my shelter in this storm. I’m so grateful for the friends that have stood by me and who sometimes drag me through when I can’t put one foot in front of the other.

Thank you, Lord, for this man and these women.

It Is Done

Well, I finally did it. The next random email came sooner than I expected. I didn't think I'd be ready for it so soon, but changes have happened. I wasn't angry this time. I wasn't hurt anymore. It was time to be done.

And so it is.

I wrote the letter.

Now I can go on.

How True, How True

I couldn't post this over at my other blog. My sister-in-law reads it and as much as I normally don't care about offending her, I sometimes make exceptions.



how jedi are you? :: by lawrie malen

Yep, Another One

So, I have the Fatty Chronicles which are on hold right now. Sort of. These are my depression chronicles. Heavenly Father put a thought into my head today while I was crashing. I'm not depressed, I have depression. There's a difference. And the title of this blog "I Have Cheese?" is a play on "Who Moved My Cheese?". Don't ask me to explain it, just look it up. And my title might not even really mean what it technically does, it just sounded good. It's hard to be clever when you're sick. And I AM sick. Some people don't like labels. I need them. I need everything to be neat and tidy, despite what my environmental surroundings show.

So right now I am sick. And I don't really understand it. There is no way to explain how I feel, what I feel, why I feel, it just is.

I believe in God. I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe in the healing power of the Atonement. But sick people don't always remember that. So if I leave them out of something, it's because the sickness won't let me remember. Maybe you can help remind me of them if you notice my lacking.

Today is Thursday, October 5th. Today I have felt really really bad. But Shellie made me get into the shower and now I feel a little bit good. I didn't shave my legs for probably 4 weeks. It was time to mow the forest down. I didn't go get my hair done today like I was supposed to, but it's rescheduled and next time I will make it.