The Road to Wellville

Did anybody ever see that movie? With Anthony Hopkins? I think I remember it was a bomb. Anyway, the title just seemed appropriate for how I feel (most of the time) these days.

I went to take care of my mom in Salt Lake for a week. It was disasterous. I felt so messed up in my head. For the first time in history, I wanted to move back to Utah! And for the life of me, I could not remember what was so great about living in California. Which caused me no end of grief because once we leave this state, we can never come back. Not unless Bill Gates puts me in his will and then dies two days later.

So very cautiously I mentioned it to my mom. And then my sister. And then the next night I woke up freezing my ass off and had to wake up my mom to ask her where the comforter was I had been refusing the nights before, and I snapped back to reality.

I love where we are. Sure, it has its problems (like, NO HOUSE for instance?). And I do miss having friends and family so close that actually have time to spend with me and the kids. We love to play cards and games and verbally abuse each other (for fun). But how long would it stay that way? 6 months? A year? Two, if I were lucky. But I am not a lucky person. Not by a long stretch.

So it was really tough for me for a minute there, but I got better. And I'm glad. Because I really would've missed living here. And I would have to find a new hair person, new friends, and a new therapist and since I just found this one and really like her (after 3 years of searching!), I think we'll just stay put.

And I can continue to get better. Because I think I will. Maybe not 100% cured, but close.

BiPolar?

And I'm back to being... not well again today.

Never ask a tired man for your medicine. He will inexplicably lose it, it will end up God only knows where, and you will be unmedicated for 2-4 days while trying to decide what to do about it. This will happen while you know you should be studying who and what to vote for, and therefore completely screw up your brains making you wonder if you should bother to go at all.

Something is not right. It isn't wrong, but it's not right, either. For the last 3-4 days, I have had an overwhelming sleepiness come over me. It hit me Sunday just as I should've been getting in the shower. So of course, I didn't, and I didn't go to church either. I thought I would just lay down for an hour and then get up and clean our house (becuase we've been so busy lately that it looks like Beruit on a bad day) and surprise everyone when they got home from church with a meal in the oven. I got the laying down part done right, but the next thing I remember it was almost 4 hours later. And it happened again yesterday. And again today. I just wanted to lay down for a few minutes, and then BAM! it's 3 hours later, my son's been in a poopy diaper for who knows how long, and watching a dvd that wasn't on when I was watching the View before I unknowingly fell asleep!

I've called the dr. He has 2 hours left in his 4 hour time frame before I call back and start terrorizing the call center people.

Going Well

Well, I FINALLY got back into my therapist today. SO much has changed for me since the last time we spoke, I had a lot I wanted to discuss. Like...

... the friendship I ended
... the fact that I no longer require approval from other family members of how my marriage works
... I'm reading a book about how to raise boys

And I'm feeling really positive about how things are moving along. I feel strength from starting to read my scriptures regularly. I feel strength from my friends and sisters. I feel strength from my husband.

Things are finally looking good!